Oh, Heart

Be still my heart, please
This is quite embarrassing
You keep an ever hopeful watch
And wait for the phone to ring

My dear, it's quite pathetic
How you go on and on
Thinking that perhaps
He was the only one

Life goes on unaltered
So continues the passage of time
And though you my friend are breaking
In not long at all, you'll be fine

Now, please wipe your tears
Off the hardwood floor
Stop that incessant weeping
I cannot handle it anymore

Humans

A flimsy sack of skin and bones
Slushing in blood and bile
The same mouth that vomits
Kisses with tenderness
The same brain that pieces together concertos
Searches for more efficient ways to mutilate
Hands that heal then slap and claw
The disgusting and the beautiful

Ruined

There are a million different ways that we can ruin other people.

Perhaps I give you too much power.
You can't ruin me!
But, it's too late.

We are oblivious to most of them.

How a small gesture can swell into a standard.
It will never be the same!
But yes, it will. It just won't seem like it.

You'll go on with your life and never realize, thankfully.

Embarrassing to think on.
That one thing! That thing! It changed me!
But ruination isn't that serious. You'll get over it.

I curse my feet.

There is a sweetness
to indecision
The future always hazy
and undefined.
I say I'm 'weighing my options'
But I'm not.
It's another form of paralysis.

Stepping neither forward
nor backward
nor up
nor down
But over and over and over in the same
stupid area of trampled ground.

I curse my feet.
And my heart.

The Little Girl

She's still the little girl.
The little girl who is sometimes blindsided by an emotionally disfiguring melancholy that she can't explain.
Sobbing.
She can't even tell you.
What it's like to be left over and over again.
But that's not what it's really about.
There are a million other things that hurt.
The little girl.
She can never catch up.

The Truth

your brain is straining
the words are right on the tip
of your lips
but you pause
everything
is painfully obvious



there are worse things than being quickly lied to


being told the truth, for instance

Who am I to you?

the comedic relief
the shy newcomer
the life of the party
the wallflower
the friend that makes you laugh
the friend that makes you cry
the hesitant performer
the awkward artist
the moody child
the girl you don't know well
the one that is too childish
the one that is too mature
the mentor
the pupil
the employee who needs direction
the employee who offers assistance
the boring conversationalist
the entertainer
the fearful adventurer
the doubtful optimist
the one who bought
the one who sold
the dreamer
the pursuer of the practical
the one you wonder about
the one you can't quite figure out

or none of the above

Hope Without Patience

I am hopeful but impatient
The worse kind of ailment
A constant 'more!, more!'
Like that's all life is for
I am distracted and cranky
Feeling calm and panicky
But this waiting makes me ignore
what the moment has in store
So leave me hope but give me patience
Otherwise, I doubt I'll make it.

Sister of My Heart

I grew up alone
Played make believe and
Talked to ratty-haired dolls
I wish I would have known you then

I felt so alone
During my teen years
Wrote all my sadness in a journal
I should have known you then

I know I'm not alone
You make me a better person
Time spent together passes so quickly
I am grateful to know you now

We do not face life alone
Share our joys and our pain
I am happy for your happiness
I will know you forever

You are the sister of my heart

For Neva

Compose

Writing an email isn't hard
Just a few lines will do
Choose a recipient, click click click
There - it's done! You're through!

Existence

We do things in life
What everyone expects
The next stage of development
Documented on some scientific timeline
And if inside we are melting
Facing a darkness we know

Exists

But can't share
We think no one can identify
Not true
So we go on
Marching forward
What comes next
Letting generic expectations
Define our decisions
It's disgusting really
Better not to think about it

Fork From the Thrift Store

Someone probably scraped their teeth along you
The source of those swirls I can't scrub off
Was it tuna casserole or lasagna?

Maybe they stabbed a steak
The end of a stressful workday
Used you to push down anger bite after bite

But you are in my kitchen now
I cleaned you and dried you off
Took you to work and ate my salad

All That Remains When Youth is Gone

Youth will fade
and so will looks
(if you had them at all in the first place)

And all that remains
Memories of invincibility
Just a small taste

You're left with a face
You don't recognize
Hands that look like your mother's

Pictures of you smiling
Before children and life
And long forgotten lovers

Killing Hope

It is not so hard to kill
To crush under your heel
A dream and a light

An offhand remark, a scoff
A few choice words
Someone will not be alright

The Child Becomes an Adult

Our limbs grow long
Our tempers grow short
Our eyeballs stay the same

Our memories grow long
Our time grows short
Our fears remain the same

Our love grows long
Our love is cut short
Our love remains the same

Children never grow
Except for the parts that do
And we can never change

It Certainly Doesn't Make You Seem More Literate

shouldnt cant wont
whered all the apostrophes go
whos in charge
i wouldve fixed it but nobody cares about
whats proper anymore

Silence in the Stick Shift

First gear:
What?

Second gear:
Don't.

Third gear:
silence

Fourth gear:
I'm tired of listening to all the
things you don't say
Shut up and tell me something real

Time.

time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time.


You can never have enough.

Trying to Convince My Mother

Plus it will be a great opportunity
Plus I have never lived away from home before
Plus I will meet new people
Plus there will be lots of things to take pictures of
Plus I found a place to live
Plus my flight is already booked
Plus it is only for a few months
Plus I will call often

Plus I promise I won't decide to stay

Yes.

I promise.

You Have Permission to Stop Thinking

forget who you know
or what you have done
forget how far you've traveled
and from whence you've come

just focus on this moment
pay attention to these words
breath in, breath out deeply
forget happiness and hurt

I give you leave to stop
permission to let things be
allow your mind to wander far
without any thought of me

Why Not Today?

You never know
What life might throw
Right in your way
Why not today?


--
Poetic note: Something short, four syllables each line, plus a little rhyme

Self-Doubt

Do you know what you are capable of?
Do you know what you know?
Do you know your potential?
Do you know which way to go?
Do you know what is beyond you?
Do you know where you'll be?
And if you're wondering why I ask,
It is because of me.

Control Over Loss or Gain

what's the point, said I
face shiny with rain
as if I had any control
over loss and gain:
of confidence, of time
of sorrows, of joys
or childish dreams
of little girls and boys

Back Burner

Simmering and stewing
In the rear there, see?
A bubbling pot of something
that I've been cooking.

No, you can't try it! Don't ask!
You wouldn't like it anyway!
It's bitter!

The name? I call it Regret.
It should not be served, ever.
Leave it on the back burner on low.

Regressing

Someone told me once
That when you feel uncomfortable
In the face of change
It is usually because
You are growing
As a person
An individual
In maturity
In experience.

But, if that is true
I wonder why
I feel like I
Am



Regressing.

Flying Without a Safety Net

Liberating.
Terrifying.

The Passage of Dates, Age and Me

I'm thinking about time
My brain refuses to be wrapped around the concept of

PASSAGE

I'm thinking about time
My emotions aren't tied to calendar

DATES

I'm thinking about time
My fears don't necessarily relate to my

AGE

I'm thinking about time
But time never stops to think about

ME

Tasks

I've got a list of things to do
I carefully maintain it.
I number each item and color code
Like it's a fashion statement.
When the day is done I check.
I'm comforted to find
Not yet done, still got a job.
That's the daily grind.

Confidence

Wherefore art thou confidence?
On a balcony, staring down.
Sweat on your brow
and your hands are quite clammy.

How unexpected! I thought you'd be taller.

Feeling Foolish

A feeling too much felt
Feels wrong, feels concerned
Feels untrustworthy, feels shameful
Feels nervous, feels young
Feels foolish, foolish, foolish

A feeling, or is it me?

Have I felt too much?

Sockets

All the love you loved
and the worries, fears
Aspirations for a life, your own
Now, just teeth in a skull
And I'm staring through your hollow sockets

Thinking, it doesn't matter at all.

Your eyes, my eyes.