Always isn't easy

When I'm laying here, awake
Half my body warm
And thinking of life
In the early hours of morning
The scope of my insight is wide
Realistic rather than romantic

I've poetically promised
"always", "forever"
As if they were natural and easy
They are neither
Not large, significant movements
But tiny choices

Every
Single
Day

Each, choosing you

I'll still say
"always", "forever"
But now, more slowly
Because I realize
The weight of those words
They are heavy with recognition

Not platitudes
Not easy
But still as true now
As they always were

Miscommunication

The words I should say...
want to say...
need to say...

are stuck in my throat.
I can't coax them out.
Because I am afraid
of what you will hear in them...
read into them...
hurt because of them...

so I'm quiet.
I shrug.
I stew.
My words change,
Into something bitter and unkind.

This is the worst method
Of miscommunication.

It boils down to this

I don't care
Where we go
Or what we do
I just want
To be
With you

When you are distraught

Today
I realized
That you are such
A part of my happiness
That when you
Are distraught
I am shattered
So I will do
Everything I can
And always

I could never take it back

After this
After all this
I don't know how anyone could leave
Because every day
Every day I breathe
The final and the foremost
I've emptied myself
And I could never take it back
Not for a second

Return

I give you everything
All the untried and unknown
The comfortable and secure
You wrap them up with your love
And return them to me, changed

That Sort of Man

Take a girl that is damaged and afraid
Who feels unloveable and questions
Her place in the world.

And give her a man that loves
And cares beyond what
Seems possible.

You will see that girl start to believe
That life can be lovely and
It isn't something to fear.

That is only the beginning
Of all the things that
She might do.

But there is still a fear that it won't last
At least that's what she tells herself
Even though she knows it will.

Because he is that sort of man.

Heartbeats

That steady lub-dub lub-dub
Is the rhythm of my entire life
My ear to your chest
Affirms that you are mine
I listen at length
Comforted
How can I not be
When you're in my arms
And I hear
Lub-dub

The End of a Good Day

The gleam of the moon on your cheeks
My body curving into yours
The silence - sweet
To be safe and warm and feeling
the weight of a meal in my belly

It was a good day

My Evening Reminder

Every evening I am reminded
As I curl my body toward yours
That you are mine

My fingers slide across your cheek
I trace your nose
Your skin is warm

What a pleasant thought
Every night ends like this
And will, for all my days

Nose to nose

I can see only the dark outline of smiling eyes
Cuddled nose to nose on a Sunday morning
I poke your dimple and your grin widens
You make me feel so very dear
And completely content
Thank you for being mine

You Are

I simply say 'I love you'
But what I mean is this:

You are the answer, the question;
The beginning, the end;
The fresh, the worn;
The base, the summit;
The summer, the winter.

Of my entire life.

Grateful, ashamed

I saw my reflection in a hotel mirror
(They are everywhere)
And I was so....disappointed
And I felt grateful that you love me
Which made me feel ashamed
(Because it is such a sad reason)

It was horrible to realize that I
Have not seen myself as I am in so long

I feel powerless and hopeless
But still, grateful

Depths

You held my tears in your hands
And lifted my sinking heart
From the depths of something
Still unknown.

You crawled with me
And shut the door behind
In the brambles of my
Unsettling.

You shared yourself
And made me believe
Despite the desperation
Of my fears.

My Days, Your Love

My days are full of things I used to do
Work, sleep, play, chores
The difference now: there's you

With your hand in mine I'm pretty sure
I could handle anything
I know what I'm meant for

Being with you has taught me much
How a heart can feel full
With a lover's soft touch

It's not easy, I expected it so
But being your wife is worth it
And my love for you continues to grow